


A Study in Silence

by Anonymous



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, F/M, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, No dialogue just pain, inner monologue is sad, silence as life companion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-13
Updated: 2019-02-13
Packaged: 2019-10-27 12:57:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17767220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Kylo Ren thought he knew silence but he didn't.





	A Study in Silence

**Author's Note:**

  * For [crossingwinter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/crossingwinter/gifts).



Kylo Ren was surrounded by silence again.

 

He would never say it to anyone —not even _her_ — but he hated it as much as when he was a child in Chandrila and so many other silent places.

 

His master _You're just a child in a mask_ had been the first voice that purposely looked for him — _so good to finally have a companion in the universe after years of nothing_ — of course had taught him to convert the fear, pain and anger of Ben Solo into power, so the silence had eventually became one more tool to Kylo Ren.

 

What would people say of the new Supreme Leader if they knew that he had been the child forced to learn binary in a house where his only companions were the droids programed to care for him, only making sounds when he had a request?

 

The powerful padawan that couldn't make friends because interacting with others had never being his thing. The teenager that had had to speak out loud in his room in the academy just to remember himself that he was real, he was alive, that he existed in the same reality than the people that seemed to resent his origin and fear his power, his voice alone filling the void of loneliness and the memory of the parents that were always too busy for him and rarely made sounds directed to him that weren't full of disappointment.

 

_You are a monster!_ Had yelled her _so loud so loud so loud_. Of course he was, he knew that was real since the moment he had hear Han Solo form the words, hidden behind a closed door just to steal a moment with a new sound of his parents around. How could it be a lie when a war hero that has fought monsters to save the galaxy thought that? That was the first time he had learned that the sound sometimes could be more painful that any silence.

 

_Your uncle Luke will help_ had said in a whisper Leia Organa, his mother was always loud in the Senate but seemed to speak to him in small gestures and touches that were always taken away from him because _there's people in the galaxy that needs me to speak for them, Ben_. Even when Ben couldn't speak for himself most of the time.

 

_Silence and meditation will clear your head_ because his uncle —a new rare sound to add— had no idea of the terrifying silence that had settle in every part of his nephews life, of the madness of being constantly alone _so alone_ with the knowledge that you're supposed to be a monster but not knowing how or why and even the new faces _maybe you'll make friends in the academy kid_ keeping quiet when you walk by.

 

Kylo Ren hated silence and that made him powerful. But now —without his father or his mother or his uncle or his master— not even the silence was his companion. She had come in to his quiet with a loud mind, loud screams in a bridge, loud growls in a wood, and then, after everything, she had come with a quiet hum in his mind that seemed to echo in every cell of his body saying _finally I'm not alone anymore_.

 

Of course that was a lie too, because the only truth that Kylo Ren had ever know were the word monster and the emptiness of being alone even in a room full of people, with the force as his only friend and the whispers of a spaceship full of fear. Even there she had being loud with her _I'll help you_ , with her pain _why was sound hurting him so much when she was in pain?_ , with her way to fight and touch him _so loud so loud so loud_ just to leave him in a empty chamber full of embers, with a silence that seems new because now it means that _he's really alone and she's gone and took with her the sound and every layer that he had built around himself to feel less alone_.

 

Kylo Ren thought he knew silence but he didn't _he didn't he didn't_ because now silence is not only the absence of sound but also the absence of _her_. The girl. Rey. Her presence alone was like music to someone who had only ever known the emptiness of his voice through a modulator in space and the sounds of a being that enjoyed listening to his pain after failure.

 

What would the galaxy say of the new Supreme Leader if they knew that he would probably give everything to hear her again _soft and with tears in her voice and why can't he not be a monster to someone_ just one more time?

 

But she's surrounded by life now, the sound of traitors is the music she enjoys, the planets he can't listen, the laugh that will never be shared with him because she left him alone in the echo of a chamber in Crait after losing another member of his family that never saw through his pain, that never tried to help him with the same fervor that thousands of faceless people deserved but never the monster. And now she'll do the same.

 

Ben Solo _hates_ the sound of silence, and after her it doesn't even makes him more powerful, this new silence just makes him feel more broken and alone.

**Author's Note:**

> First, I hadn't written something for fiction in forever and this will stay anon because I don't think it will happen again soon.
> 
> This is because crossingwinter wanted to read something short yesterday, I know you wanted fluff but my mind was set on sad last night. I've loved every one of your fics and wanted to write something for you, I hope you liked it :)
> 
> English is not my first language and this had no beta so any mistakes are mine.
> 
> Edit: I fixed a few typos that I clearly missed half-sleep at 3 am, thanks for the lovely comments!


End file.
